No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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