Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
