You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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