Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
