so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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