I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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