dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
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I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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