I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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