you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
