420 ftw
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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