You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
