So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
