I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
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Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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