eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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