Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
