I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
