I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
