remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The beer is more important than you right now.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
