so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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