Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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