She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
