She said her name was "party"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
