I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
