evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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