Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
