I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My day in three words: secret purse cake
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
