The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
