Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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