That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
