my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
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Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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