why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
