I didn't shave. On purpose
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
