I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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