i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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