perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
