Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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