Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
