I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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