yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
