im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize