with your own penis?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
organizing the empties. That sober.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
