He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
