i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
