I wannas sexs uuuuu
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm like, not good at living.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
