I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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