Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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