she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
