If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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