belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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