The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
