I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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