I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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