the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
