She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
