PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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