My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize