think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We need to rekindle our bromance
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
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Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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