Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I love you.
Bad choice
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
