Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
