All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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