Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
