I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
