I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize