i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
