Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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