Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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