then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
