I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
bring money and cleavage
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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