i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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