I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
