How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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