I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need water and some morals
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
