I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
