don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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