Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
