How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
