The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday