I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
