I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
