Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.