Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass