You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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